From the sounds of things, Carrie Prejean seems to do a good enough job of simply doing stupid things without having to open her mouth. However, when she does open her mouth, all hell can, and usually does, break loose. Of course, this latest batch of gems comes from her responding to all the hateful attacks on her (in an irony that, unfortunately, escapes her, a lot of these hateful attacks came from, well, the hateful attacks she makes on homosexuals. Because they only deserve things like hospital rights, right Carrie?), and, as you can imagine, they live up to their billing:
Former Miss California Carrie Prejean on Tuesday defended a recently surfaced erotic video of her as a youthful indiscretion and questioned whether it could actually be called a “sex tape” since no one else appears in it.
“It was me by myself. There was no one else with me. I was not having sex,” the controversial beauty queen told TODAY’s Meredith Vieira in New York.
Okay, maybe she’s right here in a literal sense. In that context, it probably means she was masturbating for the camera. I guess that only counts as self-sexual gratification, or sex with yourself, so I guess she’s literally right here.
“You can call it whatever you want to call it. If you want to call it a sex tape, that’s fine,” Prejean told Vieira. “I sent it to my boyfriend at the time. I was a teenager. I cared about him. I trusted him,” she added. “I think now they call it ‘sexting.’
“Did I think it would come back now and haunt me? No. But I think that a lot of young people can learn from this. Nothing is private anymore. Nothing is private.”
They do call it sexting, Carrie. Except when, you know, you make a video tape of it. Then it’s not sexting.
However, even Carrie realizes that this was, in fact, a bad decision:
Prejean admitted that making the video of herself and sending it — an act that other teens have been prosecuted as sex offenders for doing — was a bad decision.
“It was the biggest mistake of my life,” she told Vieira.
I guess she has learned something, after all. Anyway, back to the fun:
Prejean was on TODAY to talk about her just-published book, “Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight Against Gossip, Hate and Political Attacks.” And even before admitting that making the video was a mistake, she accused her enemies of using it to attempt to silence her.
“The main point is there has been a campaign against me to try to silence me for the past seven months for the answer that I gave at the pageant,” she said.
She was referring to April 19 and the finals of the Miss USA pageant, when celebrity blogger Perez Hilton asked her opinion of same-sex marriage. Prejean cited her Christian beliefs in saying she believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Hilton responded later by calling her a “dumb b—h.”
See, the thing is, I don’t think anyone really ever wanted to stick up for Perez Hilton for anything, but the fact of the matter is that Carrie gave an ignorant and ill-informed response. Just the fact that she takes one definition of marriage shows her ignorance of her own faith, as “traditional marriage” isn’t quite what Christians make it out to be.
But let’s throw her a bone, and maybe she was referring to this:
Prejean would finish second in the pageant, and she said she was punished for exercising her right to free speech. She cited the same enemies when racy photos of her later emerged: one showing her dressed in just panties with her back to the camera, another showing her with her breasts exposed.
Donald Trump, the owner of the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants, saved Prejean’s Miss California crown. But she soon lost that, too, when pageant officials accused her of not meeting her contractual obligations. Prejean then sued, accusing pageant officials of libel, slander and religious discrimination, alleging that she was dismissed for her religious beliefs. The pageant countersued, demanding that she pay them back for the breast enhancement surgery they paid for.
Oh, right. The having nude photos thing. As it turns out, when someone asks you if you’ve had nude photos taken of yourself, they tend to frown on you lying about it. That’s not considering the whole “trying to sue for people for discriminating against your religious beliefs as a direct result of you discriminating against a group of people and trying to deny them of rights that other citizens have” thing. We have a couple of very important documents that say that’s a bad thing. But I digress. Let’s see where Carrie goes next:
Prejean told Vieira she remains convinced that everything that’s happened to her is because of her beliefs.
“The biggest thing and the reason I wrote this book is Americans believe their beliefs are under attack, and this is proof,” she told Vieira, adding that the sex tape is another example of what her enemies will do to attack her.
You know, I have to agree with her on this. As it turns out, there are Americans whose beliefs are under attack. You and I may know of them as homosexuals. I imagine that most, perhaps even all, of them believe that they should have the same rights that heterosexual couples do, such as the benefits married couples receive. While I have not read her book, I do imagine that her book does not take their beliefs into consideration when it comes to issues of equality.
Okay, Carrie. But what else do you believe?
The book, she said, is her way of telling her side of the story.
“Americans heard only bits and pieces of what really happened,” Prejean said. “I think that there is a liberal bias in the media, and it’s unfortunate that conservative women are attacked for their beliefs. It’s unacceptable and it shouldn’t happen. So many Americans are frustrated. So many Americans believe that their beliefs are under attack, and they should be silent and free speech doesn’t exist.”
Ah yes, the liberal media. I could write my own little piece to blow up this claim, but I think I’m just going to quote Maddox, who already described it so well:
Liberal media: Whiny, bitching, cry-baby conservatives love to prattle on and on about the “liberal media.” To be fair, except for FOX News (Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, John Gibson, Neil Cavuto, Steve Doocy, E.D. Hill, Brian Kilmeade, Brit Hume), Clear Channel, Laura Ingraham, Dr. Laura, Rush Limbaugh, Hugh Hewitt, Ann Coulter, Newsmax, G. Gordon Liddy, Michael Reagan, Michael Savage, The New York Post, Sinclair Broadcast Group (WLOS13, Fox 45, WTTO21, WB49, KGAN, WICD, WICS, WCHS, WVAH, WTAT, WSTR, WSYX, WTTE, WKEF, WRGT, KDSM, WSMH, WXLV, WURN, KVWB, KFBT, WDKY, WMSN, WVTV, WEAR, WZTV, KOTH, WYZZ, WPGH, WGME, WLFL, WRLH, WUHF, KABB, WGGB, WSYT, WTTA), David Horowitz, Rupert Murdoch, PAX, and MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough, they’re right.
You’ll notice that his list is actually kind of out of date. That collection has only grown. As for the whole “keep silent and free speech doesn’t exist” thing, I remember this guy. Do you?
After all this, though, Carrie was truly saving the best for last. Are you ready for the Perfect Storm of Stupid? Here it comes!
In the book, Prejean talks about her Christian beliefs and condemns the ubiquity of pornography. Young women should resist the pressures of popular culture, of sex, she said, writing, “Our bodies are temples of the Lord. We should earn respect and admiration for our hearts, not for showing skin to look sexy.”
This is where I will invite you, the reader, to make your own joke. You could include any of the following: getting breast implants just for the pageant, having topless photos of her taken and lying about it, making some kind of tape that apparently shows things that qualify as pornography, not knowing the Bible, only following the parts of the Bible that are convenient, breaching her contract in multiple ways like trying to use her public position to advance an ignorant political agenda…
…you get the idea. Come up with your best lines. You can send them to me, Donald Trump, Carrie’s parents, or whoever you want. I’m sure they’ll be good for laughs.